I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
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There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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