the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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