Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize