That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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