I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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