You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize