I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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