...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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