My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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