Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
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You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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