I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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