We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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