So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize