it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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