I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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