You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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