I'm lost and stupid without you.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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