Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
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I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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