My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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