I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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