that's an acceptable place to lick
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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