now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
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It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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