my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i think i just lost a toe
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize