I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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