I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize