escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
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this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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