i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think i got beer on your cat.
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