you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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