Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize