I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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