Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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