yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
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you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
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I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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