im six kinds of drunk right now
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
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I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
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Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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