Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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