i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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