rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Someone signed my nipple.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
