i was born a porn star she said
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize