i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize