I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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