I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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