We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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