Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize