cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
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I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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