I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
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i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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