I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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