I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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