Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize