Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
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He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
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I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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