The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize