so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize