his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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